Tag Archives: self-acceptance

Post the Seventh or On the Politics of Dating

Dating is a complicated and emotionally dangerous activity. It’s rife with uncertainty, vulnerability and anxiety. Its also a lot of fucking fun. The complicated mixture of anxiety and excitement, wonder and arousal can at times become addicting. And I love it.

Recently, I went on this date with this boy and it was rather lovely. We flirted, we talked and we drank coffee after which we than retired to a more intimate setting. It was good.  My favorite part of the date, however, was when he wanted to emphasize to me that he was interested in me not just because I was a woman with a penis but rather also because he was attracted to me as a person. He wanted to emphasize that my body was the least of it and that my personality was the most of it. My heart melted.

Because more often then not, guys who are interested in me are not interested in the fact that I’m first generation American. They are not interested in the fact that I go to school for Psychology and Philosophy. They aren’t interested in the fact that I live and breathe activism. All they are interested is in the fact that I’m a “chick with a dick”. All they want to know is how long my cock is and how big my tits are. They only care to make sure that I don’t tell a soul that they slept with someone as perverted and dirty as a tranny.

And quite frankly, I am sick and tired of being fetishized without my consent! Its one thing if we are in a scene and I have agreed to be objectified and you have agreed to objectify me. In fact, there are many situations in which that turns me on. But its frustrating when I can’t even tell someone I’m interested in them without them instantly being fixated on my cock. And do you know what the worst part is?

They don’t even know any better.

Because the society that we live in teaches us, practically since exiting the womb, that bodies that are not white, heterosexual or cisgender are strange, forgien and forbidden. We have been taught in myriad and sundry ways that those sorts of bodies are OTHER and that people who possess those bodies amount to only their bodies. In other words, those who possess OTHER bodies are not people. They are just things to be had and thrown away.

And people don’t even know that they are doing this because it seems normal. It doesn’t occur to them that they are OTHERING me or anyone else because that is what the status quo is. When oppression is normalized those who oppress can not see it. Not only did I not consent to being objectified but neither have they consented to objectify me. They just don’t know that they are doing it.

Which is why my heart burst open with joy when this boy said to me that he gets it. That he doesn’t want to objectify me. He wants to see me for me. He wants me to know it.

And that gives me hope.

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Post the Forth or How my Body is Beautiful

Greetings and Salutations! Some of you might have seen this, some of you might not have. At any rate here it is!

For those of you who think
Fat=Undesirable
I have one thing to say
Fuck you
Because beneath the valleys of my skin
And the hills of my breasts
Is sheathed a radiant spirit
A singing symphony that is my soul
A being that loves passionately
Feels deeply
And knows truly
Knows that your attempt to claim my body
To take it and say
This is ugly
Shall always be unsuccessful
A fruitless attempt of futility
Because I won’t let you
Because I know that I am beautiful
And desirable
And worthy of love
I know that the girth of my belly
Is that of the Mother Goddess
So that I may nurture my community
That the thickness of my thighs
Are as majestic as the thickness of the Red Wood Tree
So that I may stand strong against oppression
That the broadness of my back
Has the strength of Atlas himself
So that I may shoulder the burdens given to me
And you might not see that
Might see past the might of my arms
And the softness of my hands
And see only what you call
“ugly”
And that’s ok
Because my body, my soul
Is also a mirror
And when you see past me
You see only into yourself